Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
