So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The best revenge is premature balding
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
