i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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