So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize