Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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