did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
