i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
