That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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