the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
