you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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