the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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