Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
