how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
