You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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