38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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