my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
