update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
