Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
