I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
