i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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