We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
