I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
