Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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