just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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