I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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