I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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