i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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