i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
