Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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