theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
