I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize