based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize