I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
