Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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