normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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