Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize