So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
