Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
