We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
