Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
40s are totally the cure
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
