I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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