smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
