oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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