Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
