you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
