I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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