why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
