Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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