Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
