is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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