i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
