people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
