Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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