Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
