See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
should my penis look like a turkey
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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