lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
