My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
