Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
