why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
