Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
