oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
