Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
