Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
