my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
