I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
