the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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