we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were trust falling into bushes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
