Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
