She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
