So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
