are you so shy because you have an std?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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