Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
