1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
