Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
