Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
