vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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