i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
