i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
